Many Surrogates wonder what factors help create a close relationship with their Intended Parents. Many think that if they have Intended Parents that live near them, or speak the same language, or have hobbies in common that this will ensure a close relationship. The reality is that each match is unique. You can have a close relationship with someone that lives on the other side of the world and a distant relationship with someone that lives in the same city.
The key to a good match is finding Intended Parents that you bond with. When you do your match call, how is the conversation? Everyone gets nervous so it can be a little awkward but are these people that you would like to chat with on a regular basis and become friends with? If not, it might not be the right match for you.
Make sure that the type of relationship that you want and the IPs want is discussed on the match call. Also discuss the type of relationship after delivery as well. If both sides are on the same page and want the same type of relationship it greatly increases the likelihood that you will have the type of relationship you want.
After your match call, your agency will contact you to see what you thought. Talk to them about how you feel, what you thought. If the Intended Parents are people you think you can bond with, then most likely you will have a close relationship.
Here are some common myths about relationships between Surrogates and Intended Parents:
1. You must speak the same language to communicate and have a good relationship.
~ While you might think this is true, technological advancements have made speaking the same language almost irrelevant! WeChat is a messaging app that allows you to translate a message in another language into the language you understand. Some terms, like medical abbreviations and terms, might not translate directly but if you describe it then that usually works.
2. If Intended Parents live far away then you won’t be close.
~ When Intended Parents live far away, they often make an extra effort at the relationship because they are not physically close by. Also, the different time zones can actually make it easier to communicate. Their morning might be your evening, etc. so it is a less busy time for everyone.
3. If our cultures are different, that might cause a gap in our relationship.
~ New cultures are very fascinating and it is always fun to learn new things. It can be a great bonding experience to share your cultures with each other. This can be fun for the whole family!
4. The Intended Parents can’t attend doctor appointments if they live far away.
~ Most doctor appointments are 15 minutes long, even Intended Parents that live nearby will likely not go to many doctor appointments. When Intended Parents live far away it can actually be more likely they will attend virtually and attend more appointments than IPS that live locally. Also, with the time zone differences Intended Parents are more likely to be available and not at work during your appointment.
The type of relationship you have with your IPs has more to do with the people than where they live. Our suggestion is to be open minded on where your Intended Parents live and focus more on the relationship you want to have with your Intended Parents.