About Surrogacy for Gay Couples
LBGTQIA Surrogacy Questions and Answers
When choosing a surrogacy and egg donor agency to help you grow your family, you may feel nervous and wonder how you choose the right agency. It is important to select an agency with a track record of providing services to the LGBTQIA community. It is important to us at GS Moms that the gay couples we serve are guided and supported throughout their surrogacy journey. We strive to handle as many logistics as possible so you can focus on your relationship with your surrogate and enjoy your surrogacy journey.
There are a number of options available to gay parents when considering how to build their family. Many choose surrogacy because it allows for a genetic bond between parent and child. Surrogacy for Gay Couples is, in most aspects, the same as it would be for any intended parent and would require a gestational surrogate as well as an egg donor. The gestational surrogate has no genetic connection to the embryo that is transferred for her to carry - the embryo is created from the intended parent and egg donor's genetic material.
For gay couples, one question that may arise is whose genetic material to use when creating the embryo - which father will have a genetic tie to the offspring? Some intended fathers choose to create multiple embryos with both partner's genetic material and transfer the heathiest of embryos. Others may choose to transfer one embryo of each father to one surrogate in the hopes of having "twiblings" (siblings that are like twins) but due to the risk of complications of a twin pregnancy many gay couples are choosing to either do one journey at a time for each father or to choose to have "sister surrogates" where each father has one surrogate that carries for them but they begin the process at the same time, each transferring a single embryo.
As with any other surrogacy, gay couples must also decide whether or not their egg donor and surrogate are going to be 'known' or 'anonymous'. Many gay couples choose to remain in contact with and continue positive relationships with their children's surrogate(s) and egg donor(s), referring to the surrogate as 'tummy mommy' and the egg donor as 'egg mommy'. Another option would be to agree to anonymity of surrogate and egg donor. These decisions are far reaching and have many implications to consider. Nonetheless, these decisions are not limited to gay couples as any Intended Parent facing fertility challenges must consider how aspects of this process will shape their family's future. It can be very helpful to discuss these options with a therapist that specializes in third party reproduction. GSMoms is happy to give you a referral so you can ensure that you make the best decision for your family as you move through this process.
What about the birth certificate?
Surrogacy laws differ by state and GS Moms will work with you to identify the best places for your child to be born. Some states, surrogacy is completely forbidden no matter the circumstance - even if you are not a gay couple. In many states, including California, surrogacy is utilized by straight and gay couples alike to build families.
Specifically for gay couples, however, it is usually necessary to procure what is called a 'Pre Birth Order' for the hospital where you child will be born. During the pregnancy, GS Moms works with gay couples and their attorneys to put together these PBO's (pre-birth orders) that specifically state the full names of the intended parents and that you have full parental rights as soon as your baby is born. Many states have updated their birth records to reflect the fact that two males or two females can be listed as birth parents on birth certificates.
By putting together a pre-birth order, gay couples can be secure in the knowledge that from the moment their child is born, both parents are legally connected to their child.
What do I tell my child (or other people for that matter) when they ask about the child's mother?
One of our previous GS Moms clients who are two married gay males put it this way: "We were concerned about people coming up to us and making a point to ask about our child's mother in an effort to torment our family; that has happened exactly zero times. But, when our daughter first starting asking about why her friend had a mommy and a daddy and she had two daddys, we told her that every family is different. Some families have a mommy and a daddy and some families have two daddies and some families and two mommies. Some families have one mommy or one daddy, and some kids have no mommy or daddy at all and live with their grandparents or other family. And that was that. Now we're onto more important things like Barbie's Dreamhouse."
It's important to us at GS Moms that our Gay and Lesbian parents feel supported and loved. We are 100% committed to helping everyone build their family and that means servicing and supporting the LGBTQIA community to the best of our ability.
Call us today at (916)303-0094 to start your journey today!