Nicole Interview - Starting On Your Surrogacy Journey
What did your three boys think about the surrogacy journey? What were their reactions?
My kids are outspoken. My oldest one at the time was 5 or 6 years old and he just did not want the kids to come to our house at all because he already has to share his stuff with his two younger brothers. My middle son let me know that I ruined his summer because we used to go to Six Flags all the time and now we couldn't do that. I made up for it this past weekend though, we went like three times. My youngest son who is 2, he would always tell me that my stomach is really big, I need to go to Children's hospital so they could see what is wrong with me. My sons have been pretty opinionated and outspoken.
Opinionated and outspoken? How so?
When I first started showing and we were downstairs at the pool and I had on this two piece, my middle and my youngest son, they are my two that are just very opinionated and they let me know exactly how they feel all the time. They don't care about my feelings. I noticed they were both staring at me and I just already knew that I had it coming. They let me know that my stomach was really big, and that I need to go to Children's hospital, to get out the pool and drive straight to Children's hospital right this minute and the doctor will speak to me.
What were some of your fears when first starting on your surrogacy journey?
I had several of them, my biggest fear was the proper documentation would not be filed and I would be listed as the mother on the birth certificate. And then somebody comes after me years later for child support or abandonment. So that was taken care of, my attorney, Lori Meyers, was really good. She made sure that I knew everything that was happening, all the legality and how there is certain language that goes into the paperwork that makes it so intended parents cannot come back later and change their mind. My attorney explained that the pre-birth order would be filed and that it basically states who has custody of the child and I have no rights and he can't come after me for child support and I would not be listed as the mother so that was very reassuring to me. I know now that there are some states where the surrogate is listed as the mother on the initial birth certificate but in good surrogacy states they still do not have any liability for child support and are typically removed fairly quickly. Each state has different laws but your agency and your attorney can explain to you all the laws in your state.
Did you feel like there also may be an attachment to the child you were going to carry that you may not anticipate?
For me, personally, I have three kids already and I don't have any desire to have any more children of my own so that was not a concern of mine but that was a concern of literally everybody else around that knew that I was surrogate. Many friends and family thought that I was going to have attachment issues. Not to sound mean, but even when I delivered the babies, I knew that they weren't mine, I really didn't even want to hold them. I wanted the babies to just go to their parents and ...I don't know... Start their life together as a family.