Amanda Interview - It's Not My Baby
That is amazing, oh my goodness, isn't it magical though too, you know? I still wake up sometimes and I'm like oh, I have kids, that's incredible!
And for us, I see my children all the time, you know, every day, but they will send me pictures and the babies are huge, and they are talking, we will do Skype calls with them, the kids speak Hebrew so we try to understand each other and she just wants to show us things. When they were here in January, the language didn't even matter, our kids were playing together, they were all loving each other. They all say we are their American family. It's just wonderful, not only being able to do that, but then to have a relationship and have now an extended family in another country and be able to see each other and talk to each other.
Could you tell me maybe one or two of your fears, maybe that you had beforehand or misconceptions, that were proven either to be false or that were proven to be real and how you dealt with that?
Ok, so the number one fear, not just with me and my husband but our family, is that I would not be able to give up the baby. That I would be horribly depressed afterwards and I would miss her. Everyone in the family was scared. When we said we were going to be a surrogate they were like "you can't do that. You love your kids, you love your nieces and nephews, how could you do this?" And I was like "to me, it's not my baby", it just never crossed my mind that would be a problem. But even my husband was worried about it. After we had the baby it wasn't a problem. We are able to explain it to people because we get asked it a lot "how could you do that?" everyone was scared while it was going on and then afterward we get a lot of "how could you give up that baby, it grew inside of you?" Well one, it's not our baby. We looked at it the entire time, we always knew whose child it was. Our family talks about it as we were babysitting the baby. I grew the baby, I took care of the baby, I protected it as seriously as I could, but it was never my child. I never ever once thought that it was. I'm sure there are people who can't do that, but for me it wasn't hard. I knew who it was I was going to give this gift to, take care of some else's baby, it was really easy for me. It's not that I didn't love the baby, because I have had people say then that's just not good for the baby, when the baby is growing it needs to be loved. I say the baby was loved. We talked to it, we would them your daddies are so excited to see you, they can't wait until you come, or we said your sister is so excited. We would play music for the baby. We would do whatever the parents wanted us to so we knew the baby was loved. I believe she was. Both girls came out amazing, wonderful and happy so we know they were loved. It just wasn't that same thing, I didn't hug my belly, I didn't talk to it like it was my kid, we just loved it and took care of it like an auntie would instead of like a mommy.
It makes my husband laugh, at one point, he had taken off leave to be home with me, and his boss pulled him back in and said "I don't know how your wife could do that" and he's like "do what, birth a baby? I know". She was like "no, she grew a baby for months and then she gave her child away". And he said that wasn't her child, that was someone else's kid. She knew that from the very beginning, she never thought, you know, there is no question. And if she tried to keep the baby, she is kidnapping someone's kid. You just don't look at it that way. And I think that is where people, they can't disassociate that. They think that if I'm growing a baby that it's my baby. And the people who can see the difference are the people who could be a surrogate. They are the ones who can understand that it's not my baby and I am helping someone carry their child.